yall, I’ve been feeling drained af. I’ve been in my feelings all week. (I'm good now, luv...lol)
I dove into my feelings last Sunday, July 22nd. I had a bomb ass time at Capitol Hill Block Party that Saturday and had a full day scheduled for the Sunday, but I canceled EVERYTHING.
I needed a break. I was exhausted, and my body was shutting down on me.
That day I realized that I have been in the mix and/or on the road since 3.18.2018 when I launched the blog!!!
EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND has been occupied with something!
I needed to sit my ass on some ice and chill.
I put my phone on "Do Not Disturb", and chilled ALL day.
I showered, deep conditioned my hair, put on cute pajamas, I ordered take-out and binge-watched Sex and The City. It was lovely. :)
Well, It was all good until I checked my phone and noticed that I had received a text that said:
"How's your heart? "
I ask my friends that all the time, to prevent the bull shit response of
" I'm good, everything is wonderful!"
Nah, tell what's really going on. Tell me the good shit and the bullshit.
Being real with ourselves is how we can make the first step to maneuver and adjust what’s not working and celebrate/ be grateful for what is. Gratitude brings more blessings.
At that moment, that was the first time someone had flipped the question and asked me.
I was speechless. I hadn’t checked on myself in a long time.
"Jasmine, How's your heart?"
"Jasmine, How are your feeling?"
I normally, sort through how my heart is feeling when I write in my journal.
There is nothing like a pen to the paper. It feels like the ultimate release to me.
However, I hadn't done that in a MONTH. Smh. So I took the time to write. Sitting with my pen and journal, opened the floodgates of emotions and feelings.
My heart was full because I am blessed. My life is so good. I prayed and manifested this life and I was truly grateful. God came through for me and He was not done. So many other WONDERFUL blessing was beginning to come into fruition.
But simultaneously my heart was also heavy.
I felt drained. I was tired. I was anxious. My body ached. I had a migraine and I was mentally exhausted. I overbooked myself to the MAX and did not allow time to recover/ recharge. Sometimes I have a bad problem with FOMO (fear of missing out) lol smh. I am working on it.
I can’t and don’t have to be everywhere/ doing everything.
I was traveling, making new friends, building my personal brand, creating with creators, working hard at work and brainstorming on how I could do MORE in every area to elevate.
Elevation was the priority and my word of the year, and that’s what I was doing, so I thought.
My calendar was booked solid EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK. I felt bad when I couldn’t fit people into my schedule. Everyone wanted a piece of me. They wanted my time and I didn’t have any to give. That frustrated me because I didn’t want to be a flake and I wanted to nurture the people who wanted to nurture me.
In examing my heart and every part of me/my life, I also realized that My feelings were hurt by some people’s actions/ non-actions. I realized that some relationships had shifted and no longer served me.
I knew I had some shit that I needed to REALLY let go of so I could ELEVATE and make room for the right relationships.
I think my exhaustion pulled out my emotions of these ongoing situations, that I haven’t been dealing with/ or thinking about because I have been booked and busy.
I brushed it off because I didn’t have time to feel or heal from it. But honey, it was time NOW. God was like, we are going to address this now, so we can keep it moving.
After my Sunday self-check, I just wanted to cry and sleep. I responded to my friend’s text about my heart, and then cried a lot, and slept.
Monday, was blahhhhhhhh. Everything was annoying me. I was hella sad. I was mad. I was overthinking/overanalyzing things.
I was also mad at myself for being in this weird mood. It was wack, but I remembered that I needed to be gentle with myself because a lot was going on in the universe. (full moon, eclipse season and mercury retrograde!) #hippieassjazz
By Monday night I decided to stop fighting it, and sit in my feelings and exhaustion.
I decided to take a social media break and I put my phones one " Do Not Disturb" again.
I canceled more plans for the week and scheduled a day off/ ME day, for Friday the 27th, to continue to recharge and heal the disconnection with myself.
For the next few days, I let tears flow, I prayed, I worked out with my trainer, I read, I wrote, Saged myself, bought some more crystals, drank a lot of water and wine, I ate my favorite foods and got some good rest.
*cues Cranes in The Sky- Solange*
By Thursday, I was feeling a lot better. I was still a little emo, but I refocused that energy on creating cool shit. I linked with one of my favorite photographers and we brainstormed on what was next for me/ her and our projects. She was in a similar mood as I was so it was refreshing to hear that I wasn’t alone.
I mindfully planned the next few weeks of adventures for myself and for the story.
I hadn't been in a super creative mood in a few weeks, because I think I was just jet legged and work was consuming a lot of my mental space and creative juices.
It felt good to get it poppin again!
Friday arrived and I slept in until 10:00 a.m. ! ayeeee no alarm clock life.
I began the day with breakfast, green tea and my daily devotionals another thing that had been missing from my routine, that frequently kept me grounded.
I showered, got dressed and began my ME day. I was in better spirits already, because I had been doing the work all week, but still wanted to take time to do the shit I like SOLO. That was my version of self-care.
The shit i like is all in my neighboorhood, the sun was shining and i just started walking. I had no set agenda for the day. I wanted to see where i wandered. Wherever that was was where I needed to be.
My first stop was Everyday Music in Caphill to crate dig for vinyls.
Vinyls has been one of my obsessions since around 2013, when i found my great aunts player in Austin,TX.
From there i skipped over to Frankie & Joe’s for ice cream! 2 scoops please!
I had lunch at Oddfellows Cafe & Bar and revisited my goals, my values and my word of the year, elevate.
I self-accessed my professional development, personal development, mental health, spiritual state, physical health, financial wellbeing and all of the interpersonal relationships.
I reviewed what/ how I have elevated and where I needed to make adjustments and/or put in more work.
After that, I wrote. I let my heart spill on the paper through my pen. It was cleansing and it made my next steps clear.
After that, I wandered the Elliot Bay Book Co. and purchased a couple goodies.
I walked to Trader Joe’s, grabbed a couple things for my spot and bought myself flowers. :)
I used to buy myself flowers for my space weekly, but that is something I also hadn’t done since March.
I super cleaned my apartment. I threw shit away, I saged it and bleached it. I removed all the negative energy from my space!
From there I showered the cleaning smells off and got on my mat.
I prayed, meditated and flowed through all the Full Moon/ Eclipse energy that was surrounding me.
Later that evening, I treated myself to a marvelous dinner at Tallulah's, a vibey Caphill resturant with good 60's and 70's soul music and great patio seating. While at dinner, I played back the wonderful day I was having and knew that I had to be more intentional with my time/ schedule.
That Friday, July 27th was a Full Moon, so i began to write down the things i wanted to release and let go. (on full moons you let go/ release and on new moons you affirm/ manifest)
I reviewed the last 5 years of my life and wrote a plan of what i wanted to accomplish and manifest for the next 5 years. My life is so different from what i thought it would be.
I am in this life though. God altered my path, because he knew what i needed.
I felt good. I felt hopeful. I felt free.
I needed to have frequent ME days. I enjoyed doing the shit I liked, without having to consider others.
Saturday, I went to my 7:30 a.m. yoga class, had breakfast with my mentor and then consignment shopped with my mom!
I took a mid day nap that Saturday, ( shit i never do) and then back to the yoga studio for a chakra uprising dj set to keep the aura cleansing and good vibes flowing and going.
I was STILL doing the shit i liked, and I didn't jam pack the day.
Self-care and solo time isn’t selfish. It is important to check in with yourself consistently.
You can't give running on an empty cup.
Recharge your soul.
Self-care may look differently to you from what it looks like for me.
Instead of bookstores, crate digging, pizza and ice cream it may be a day at the spa, a bubble bath or just quiet time. Do you boo! Get you!
In my elevation, (which is definitely happening, THANK YOU, GOD!)
I am learning new things about myself.
I am learning that...
-I can't be everywhere and be everything for everyone.
- It's okay to cancel, to protect your energy.
- Stop saying yes to shit you hate!
-You can’t give or create cool shit running on an empty cup.
- Every next level will require a different version of you.
- You can’t elevate if you are still carrying dead weight. Let that shit go.
- Even though I'm the event planner I don't have to facilitate all the fun and parties.
The planner likes to be planned for.
- Stay close to people who feel like sunlight and not the ones who drain your light.
- ME time is mandatory.
I'm sure more will come from this, as we still have 5 months left in 2018 lol, but this is what I have been going through this week, and I wanted to share my story.
some days/ weeks are GOLD and sometimes I'm in my feelings like Drake. It's okay. lol
Today, I'm writing, chilling, gonna get yoga in and I'm creating. Still doing the shit i like on my own schedule. :)
check on your strong friend. we go through shit too.
s/o to the folks that check on a real one consistently.💛
I feel soooooo much better.
Thank you God. I am ready for what is next.
Here are a few gentle reminders for you this week...
- Be gentle with yourself.
- Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
- Go through the emotions. Feel it.
- Shake back.
- Self-care isn't selfish.
- Be poppin', Don't shrink.
Happy Sunday! I love you, and you're pretty/ handome!
Cheers,
Jasmine Rashae